Good morning! Seemingly unaware that free tours exist, a toddler took matters into his own hands for an up-close tour of the White House. He slipped through the fence and took off across the North Lawn before being scooped up by the Secret Service and returned to his (presumably horrified) parents.

Over in the world of sports, you might need to memorize a second name to drop whenever hockey comes up. Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals just scored his 895th career goal, surpassing Wayne Gretzky’s record to become the NHL’s all-time leading scorer.

ECONOMY

📉 Stock market tanks in reaction to Trump’s new tariffs

Well, that's one way to kill the Signalgate story. In response to Trump's "Liberation Day" tariff announcement on Wednesday, the U.S. stock market tanked harder than an NBA team gunning for the #1 draft pick. More than $5 trillion in market value was wiped out on Thursday and Friday and the stock market's "oh crap" meter (the CBOE Volatility Index) hasn't been this high since April 2020.

• Good news for those of you who think billionaires are like totally the worst, though: The two-day rout wiped out more than $20 billion in net worth for each of Musk, Bezos, and Zuck.

What’s a recession, again? In the U.S., the economy grew from about $28 trillion in 2023 to about $29 trillion in 2024. A recession is simply when, instead of growing, the economy shrinks for a bit. They usually last for about 10 months and are marked by job losses and slowed consumer spending. We aren’t in one yet, but predictions of a coming recession are spiking.

Treasury Sec. Scott Bessent defended the tariffs despite the resulting pain. He believes the U.S. was headed for a financial crisis and says the administration is “setting the stage for long-term economic growth” and a “sound trajectory.” In fact, some finance pros think Trump is purposely trying to cause a short recession.

• That would likely cause interest rates to fall and allow the federal government to refinance a big chunk of its $1 trillion annual debt payment.

• But Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell is concerned this could raise inflation.

In response to the announcement, China — the third biggest importer of American products — raised tariffs on U.S. goods to 34%. On the flip side, Vietnam (also communist but hates China and makes tons of our clothes and furniture) had a "productive call" with Trump over potentially cutting its tariffs on the U.S. if he nixes his new 46% rate on them.

• More than 50 nations have begun new trade negotiations since the announcement on Wednesday.

• Meanwhile, the U.S. economy beat expectations and added 228,000 jobs in March.

As for all the penguin memes about random, uninhabited islands getting slapped with tariffs? Well, Commerce Sec. Howard Lutnick said that was done to prevent using them as shipping go-betweens to avoid the tariffs.

How were the tariffs calculated? They're clearly not straightforward foreign tariff rates as initially claimed. The White House seems to have tossed aside a complex formula in favor of a simple one based on the U.S.’s trade deficit (imports minus exports) with each country. Either way, Lutnick swears it was way more complicated than literally asking ChatGPT.

GOVERNMENT

📱 President Donald Trump gave TikTok another reprieve, extending its sell-or-ban deadline by another 75 days. He said the White House's ongoing sale negotiations with potential U.S. buyers need a bit more time. Despite a late push by Amazon, the top contender is still software giant Oracle, which already hosts TikTok’s U.S. servers. But many observers claim Trump’s second extension is illegal and point to a portion of the sell-or-ban law that seems to allow only a “1-time extension of not more than 90 days.”

⚖️ President Trump's effort to slash federal spending won a legal victory on Friday. The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 to allow the administration to cancel $65 million in diversity-related education grants while a lawsuit over the issue proceeds through lower courts. The decision overturns a ruling from a lower court last month that wanted to force the spending to continue in the near term. Meanwhile, protestors gathered at more than 1,300 "Hands Off" across the country over the weekend to oppose President Trump's budget cuts, layoffs, and reorganization plans.

💰️ The Republican-controlled House of Representatives plans to vote this week on the same budget plan passed by the Senate on Saturday. Two Senate Republicans joined Democrats to oppose the resolution, and it faces similar opposition in the closely divided House. Some conservatives blasted it as an irresponsible "path to failure" with too few spending cuts. The Trump-backed vote is the procedural precursor to his "BIG, BEAUTIFUL" 2026 budget bill that combines tax code changes with border, energy, and defense reforms.

WORLD

🌍️ Man arrested for gifting Diet Coke

In a very on-brand move, a dumb YouTuber with a “passion for adventure” swung by India’s illegal-to-visit North Sentinel Island. He dropped off a Diet Coke (what, was RC Cola sold out?) and a coconut as a gift before scooping up a sand sample and heading back to civilization, where he was promptly arrested.

The Sentinelese people are quite literally stuck in the Stone Age. Any contact with the outside world risks killing them off due to the spread of illnesses for which their immune systems have no immunity. As a result, all contact is illegal. This YouTube guy faces a thicc fine and up to five years in prison.

• But he got off lucky compared to some. The previous two known visitors, in 2006 and 2018, were promptly killed with axes and arrows.

North Sentinel Island sits in the Indian Ocean about 700 miles east of mainland India and 300 miles south of Myanmar as part of the Andaman Islands. The Indian military patrols the area to keep outsiders, well, out and estimates the 23-square-mile island supports a population of anywhere from a few dozen to a few hundred.

More than 100 uncontacted tribes are known to exist around the world, mostly in the Amazon and on the island of New Guinea. But their numbers are diminishing due to deforestation, development, and disease. A suggestion for anyone planning an illegal visit to one: If you’re going to risk an accidental genocide, be a pal and bring ‘em something better than a Diet Coke and a coconut.

Speaking of coconuts: A new book says former VP Kalama Harris was “completely shocked” by her defeat on election night and VP nominee Tim Walz was so shaken that he was unable to speak.

TRIVIA

The Supreme Court's newest member, Ketanji Brown Jackson, was confirmed by the Senate three years ago today. As you might expect for a top-tier judge, Justice Jackson attended a top-tier law school. From which three law schools did the court’s current nine members graduate?

Hint: Only two are part of the Ivy League.

BRIEFS

● President Donald Trump unveiled his new $5 million immigration gold card to reporters aboard Air Force One. He said the new "Trump card" would be available in less than two weeks for wealthy foreigners in place of the existing EB-5 visa program.

● Meta's fact-checking program in the U.S. is officially dead. In its place, an X-inspired Community Notes program will begin appearing gradually on posts across Facebook, Instagram, and Threads, with no account penalties attached.

● Secretary of State Marco Rubio revoked all visas granted to people from South Sudan. The move comes after the war-torn African nation refused to accept the return of its own citizens sent back as part of U.S. deportation efforts.

● South Korea's president has officially been removed from office. Yoon Suk Yeol's powers were suspended in December 2024 after he declared martial law and tried to dissolve parliament. A special election in June will choose his permanent replacement.

QUOTE

ANSWER

Four current justices got their legal training at Harvard (“What, like it’s hard?”).

Four others attended law school at Yale.

If Princeton was your third guess, we’ve got bad/weird news. Princeton hasn’t had a law school since 1852, though three justices did go there for undergrad.

Our final justice, Amy Coney Barrett, is the Court’s only non-Ivy Leaguer. She graduated from Notre Dame.